Ingrown Eyeballs


I’m an affirmation junkie.  Gary Chapman would say that my dominant love language is ‘words of affirmation’, but that sounds too tame.  I think I may actually have a problem here.  The mailman once told me I was beautiful.  No, he wasn’t hitting on me, he was simply being his normal friendly self, but his words impacted me.  I grinned all day.  I ran those words through my head more times than is polite to admit.  But more importantly, I felt beautiful because of his compliment.

I used to keep every nice note given to me.  Each word of thanks or praise was read and reread, then tucked away for safekeeping.  They made me feel good.  Mere words on a page have a mystical power over me.  Reading them makes me feel loved, and more, worthy to be loved.

Awhile back, I heard the phrase ‘ingrown eyeballs’; a word picture describing the state of being too focused on self.  Being intensely introspective, the term really resonated with me.  I realize that my unique bent makes me feel love best through words of affirmation.  But if allowed to run wild, this tendency causes me to find my worth outside of the only One whose opinion of me counts.  My eyes turn inward and I find my identity through the words of others.

To prevent my natural tendencies from getting out of balance, I decided to enjoy the kind words I receive, but to not dwell on them or keep them around for future consumption.  I love seeing your comments and encouragement in my inbox.  They keep me writing when I feel like giving it up.  I treasure every one.  Then I delete them.  Sure, they remain on the blog itself, but I’m not in the habit of rereading my posts.

When I started this blog in January of 2013 I was pleasantly surprised at the camaraderie I found in the blogosphere.  The intimacy of human connection was a side benefit that I was not expecting.  I have met some wonderful, talented, and courageous people.  I consider some of you mentors, and some of you friends even though we’ll probably never meet this side of eternity.  It’s beautiful.

When I was nominated for my first peer award, I was ecstatic.  Then I thought about my ingrown eyeball problem and hesitated.  In fact, it is almost a year later and I still haven’t accepted or addressed the nomination at all.   I would let it lie, but since that time I have been nominated 3 more times.  For those of you unfamiliar with peer awards, allow me to briefly explain.

Peer awards are basically ways for bloggers to connect and give a shout out to other bloggers they like.  The usual way it goes is: if you accept the nomination you will display the award logo on your blog, nominate several of your favorite bloggers for the award as well, and give some personal information (or answer some preset questions) about yourself.  The connections and networking for these is great.  I love the encouraging spirit behind this.

However, I know myself well enough to say thank you, but I won’t be displaying any awards on my blog.  My ingrown eyeball problem crops up at odd times, and if I see these awards every time I preview a new post, well, I simply think it’s best for me to not go there.  Having said that, I want to accept the encouragement that has been given to me and give a shout out to the awesome ladies who nominated me.  Then, in the spirit of friendship, I will share a few things about myself.  Here goes:

Rebecca at ….and A Sprinkle of Love nominated me for the Liebster Award.  Rebecca is someone I am sure I’ll want to spend some time with in heaven.  She is an amazing mother and her story is truly inspiring.   She posts some insanely good-looking recipes too!  Thank you, Rebecca!

Within 48 hours, I was nominated for the Liebster again by Mental Mom over at mentalmom02’s Blog.  This is one hilarious lady!  I haven’t seen a post from her in some time, so here is my plea: Mental Mom, if you are reading this, please write!  You have such a gift of humor and I miss your posts.  Thank you!

And for Mary over at Reflections from the Heart who nominated me for both the Sunshine Award and the Very Inspiring Blogger Award.  I am humbled and honored that someone as talented as you would include me in your nominations.  Mary’s story is gripping and I guarantee you will need a hanky when you read her story.  She will give you laughter as well as tears though, and is destined to be a writer who makes a difference with her work.  Thank you, Mary!

A few things about myself:

*I grew up in a hunting/outdoorsy family.  My mom can take down and dress out a buck faster than anyone I’ve ever seen.  (And she looks beautiful doing it, too!)  I’ve hunted some myself, but I prefer to shoot with a camera.

*I love snakes, lizards, and all types of amphibians.  They never fail to make me smile.

*I am intensely phobic of spiders.  God and I are working on that.  (In fact, I wrote two posts about dealing with my fear: The Devil Has Eight Legs, Part One and Part Two.)

*I got a tattoo of a gecko on my ankle at a time before tattoos or geckos were popular.  That was more years ago than I will cop to, but I still love it.

*My husband has gifted me with a passion for live theater.  In fact, I fell in love with him when he introduced me to the marriage of classical literature and music with Les Miserables.  My favorites are Les Miserables and Wicked.  Our wedding music was taken from Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, and Jekyll and Hyde.

*I am a sci-fi nerd.  Star Trek, Star Wars, LOTR, Hobbit, Fringe, Firefly, etc. are all faves of mine.  I love to shop at Think Geek and plan to spend the winter immersed in Dr. Who.

*Someday I hope to be a ‘real’ writer.  I desire above all else to glorify my Lord with my work.  I don’t know if He’ll lead me into fiction or more practical writing, but for now I will do my best to encourage and uplift with my words.

Thank you, my friends, for spending some of your precious time here.  It humbles me that you would take time out of your day and spend it with me.  I appreciate your comments and encouragement more than I could possibly convey.  I enjoy interacting with you and am truly blessed by it.

Grace and peace to you!

Photo by Salvatore Vuono, courtesy of

2 thoughts on “Ingrown Eyeballs

  1. We have three bearded dragons at our house. Interesting and mellow little critters. I really appreciate you. I really like the way you affirm others. You have a gift of writing and your posts are so fun to read. I admire the passion you show. I can tell that you sincerely care for others. You are so likable and I like you as a person. I think one can tell a great deal about another through words.
    I look forward to reading more of your posts and hanging out in blog world with you!!!!


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