Feeling like a used piñata this morning, I rolled out of bed and shuffled upstairs to the coffee maker. My joints were protesting as I settled in to my favorite rocker and I tried not to let it get to me. Aches and pains are par for the course with fibro, and I’m acutely aware that even on my ‘bad’ days I don’t have it as hard as some I know. But the past week has been fairly rough, physically speaking, and I’m a tad bit overwhelmed with my to-do list as well. It was in this somewhat pitiful state that I lifted my hands and prayed a simple prayer. “Father, if You do see me, could you somehow let me know today?”
I actually wrote this piece several years ago. Today my son turns 20. Twenty. No longer a baby, no longer a boy scout, a dancer, or a teenager. He is really and truly a man, and I couldn’t be more proud of him.
So take heart, my mama friends who struggle with kids who learn differently, kids who stretch you, who baffle you, who make you doubt your ability to do this momming gig. Our Father’s got them. And in His time, they will turn out to be far more than you dare to imagine…
Better Than I Imagined
My finger was bleeding. As I watched the crimson bead form on my fingertip I wished, not for the first time, that I was more skilled with a sewing needle. I reflexively put the injured digit in my mouth and looked down at the size 10 men’s ballet slipper resting in my lap. I had to get the elastics on before my son’s next lesson. Resuming my work, I smiled as I thought of all that had led to this rather surreal moment. My son, the ballerina?
My last nerve was exposed and raw, just waiting for a spark that would ignite it like the fuse on a stick of dynamite. When my daughter entered the room in tears, the match was lit.
We’ve been in the middle of rehearsals for a theatrical production and the choreography wasn’t turning out as she’d hoped. The grand visions in her head simply weren’t panning out in the sphere of reality and as a result, she felt stuck and unable to continue.
This sweet, smart, sensitive daughter of mine is my polar opposite in many ways. Most notably, she is emotionally expressive, while I am not. My daughter and I have a major disconnect in this area, and as I said, on this particular day I was already operating with the last nerve ready to be tweaked.
Glancing at the woman to my left, I smiled. Her arms were full of warm, rumpled toddlers, two little girls who were obviously exhausted from a long day at the Magic Kingdom. The tiny princess closest to me clutched her glowing star-wand and shifted to get comfortable. The bus gently swayed, rocking the girls into a fitful rest on the journey to our resort.
If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until it gets so ugly you can hardly bear to look at it.
A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.
This quote, by one of my all-time favorite authors, immediately made me think of Philippians 4:8.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” (NIV)
I don’t know about you, my friends, but I sure need this reminder on a regular basis! May we think on lovely things today, yes?
Grace and peace,
For the most part, I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. They feel too much like rules to me and the world has quite enough of those, thank you very much. However, there is one thing I have challenged myself to do every year for some time now. Every year I fail, yet I look forward to trying again each January as I turn to a fresh page in my notebook.
“Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.”
– Jean Shepherd, A Christmas Story
I can really relate to Randy. It had been my intention to take a couple of weeks off of homeschooling and writing after Christmas to relax and get some work done. Entertaining visions of sitting in my cozy room, fingers furiously clicking on my keyboard keeping time with the rhythm of the rain lightly hitting my windows, I was sure I would not only get ahead on my blogging, but I’d be fully organized and ready to roll for a new term of schooling.